As I’m sitting in a glider, feeding a newborn baby at 3a.m. in the calmness of the night, I’ll begin my birth story of Madelyn Nicole. I’ve been trying to sit down to write the birth story but I found the starting point hard. To be honest, her birth story began 5 years ago (February 2015) when we welcomed our first daughter, Riley Elizabeth, into this world. My pregnancy with Riley was simple and perfect, but her delivery was complicated and traumatizing. During my labor with Riley, I came down with an infection and high fever, and towards the end of pushing, her heart rate dropped. It took the hospital staff 20 minutes to resuscitate her, and after 17 days with her in the NICU we decided to take her off life support to go to Heaven after she was declared brain dead. Dead, a harsh and unfair term to use for an infant loss, and still a term I refuse to use for Riley leaving earth. She peacefully passed away as she only knew tremendous love.
In January 2016, my husband (Nick) and I found out I was pregnant with our rainbow baby, another girl, Charlotte Elizabeth. Throughout my pregnancy, I suffered from PPA and PTSD due to losing Riley. I chose to have a c-section at 38 weeks because mentally I wasn’t well for the pregnancy to continue, and I couldn’t imagine trying a vaginal delivery again. My amazing doctor, Dr. Paoloni, was understanding and made it my choice, which I’m so thankful for to this day. Charlotte’s delivery was so calm and what I truly believe to be a gentle c-section.
Over the years, Charlotte healed our hearts with her bubbly and strong personality, infectious smile, and downright sweetness. She might never understand how she healed us, but she’ll always know she’s tremendously loved.. even through the toddler meltdowns.
In 2018, Nick and I started talking about another baby. I continued to go back and forth on if I wanted another child. I was out of the state of fear and anxiety for a few years now, and I never wanted to go back to that place of feeling helpless. I also didn’t want another c-section. The recovery was long and difficult for me. Years later I still had pain/bloat around my incision. I need to add that C-section mommas are warriors! Finally, one day in late December, I decided to go off birth control; however, it still took months (almost half a year actually) before I knew I was ready. We never really decided to go for it. I think deep down I didn’t want to admit I really wanted another baby in case I couldn’t get pregnant.
In July 2019, I found out I was pregnant at my annual exam. I was shocked but I was mentally healthy and extremely excited. I knew I wanted to attempt a VBAC and told my doctor my birth plan from the beginning. He was 100% on board and supportive... thank you Dr. Paoloni! This pregnancy was the roughest on my body due to a lingering back injury and catching anything Charlotte brought home; however, it was such a joyful and loving pregnancy. I was calm and at ease. Again, Charlotte truly healed so much pain in my heart from losing Riley.
Nick and I came up with a birth plan. I read books, reached out to my local mom group about birth support, and finally decided to look into hiring a doula. That’s where we met Sarah. She was the only doula we face to face interviewed, but when you know, you know! Between the doula prenatal appointments, my healthy pregnancy, a wonderful medical support team and care plans for Charlotte set, I felt set my birth plan was what I envisioned. But, COVID-19 hit and shut down our country – actually the world - 3 weeks before my due date.
Restaurants shut down, people started working from home, schools closed, people lost their jobs, and hospitals implemented a no visitor policy meaning Sarah couldn’t be there physically for my labor. There were unknowns if birth partners would be allowed. Luckily, they were rumors. I stalked St. Francis’ COVID-19 page daily to make sure I was up to date on their policies. We adjusted and adapted to the current situation and decided we could still get Sarah’s support through FaceTime. Not ideal, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
The morning of March 30, I was driving alone to my OB appt for my 39 week scan. This was the scan we were going to have Charlotte and both grandmothers attend. It was the first ultrasound Nick missed out of the three girls. Madelyn was measuring right on track. Everything looked favorable so my doctor did a membrane sweep. That definitely got some strong contractions going throughout the day. I finished the work day then went for a 4 mile brisk walk, worked through The Three Sisters moves, took a bath, etc. That kicked things up but still things weren’t progressing. I tried to get some sleep but woke up about every 30 minutes to a contraction. I felt my water would break any second but, to my disappointed, the next morning (March 31) I still wasn’t in active labor and only exhausted. So, I chugged along with the day with the help of coffee. I worked from home while bouncing on my exercise ball because that helped with the contractions. I’ll say, getting through conference calls while having contractions and acting normal is a lot harder than you realize! I took a walk during lunch and another at night. I even had a glass or two of wine 😉. Still nothing. Still no sleep for two nights in a row. I was exhausted.
Finally, on April 1, I called Dr. Paoloni - much to Nick’s request - to see if there was anything else I could do to get this moving. This labor was turning into a long early or prodromal labor like Riley’s. I was on track to beat the family record for longest labor... a record I already held. Dr. Paolini had me come in to check my progress, which was just a little. Since I had a long early labor with Riley we didn’t really know if that’s what predisposed me to an infection, so to play it safe I was admitted for an induction. I wanted active labor to happen naturally, but the safety of Madelyn was my top priority.
I called my mom up to head over to our house, called Nick to get his bags ready, and I drove home to prep a few last minute things. I cried hard driving home. Charlotte wasn’t going to be our only living child at home. It wasn’t about to be just us girls. It finally hit me. When I returned home, I set things at work, ate lunch with Charlotte, and we were off to have a baby!!
When we arrived at the hospital around 1:30 p.m., we got the COVID-19 screening and went up to the Labor and Delivery. When we first walked in, we saw the first doctor who was a part of my labor with Riley sitting at the front desk. I started to get a little emotional but Nick calmed me down and reassured me it wasn’t some foresight of bad circumstances. I stated my concerns then pushed it out of my head and focused on the positives of being in the same hospital where Riley was born. A hospital I even avoided driving by for years. I focused on Riley’s presence and her watching over her baby sisters. She’s their guardian angel after all.
My day nurse, Tara, started me on fluids and when I was about halfway through they’d start the Pitocin. One of my birth requests, I wanted Nick and I to have our normal everyday humor. One thing I love about Nick is his sense of humor even if there are days I get annoyed. He always knows how to make a good joke but he’s the kindest man I know. While we waited for the Pitocin, Nick hung my birth affirmation banner and we got the room set up.
Around 2:45 p.m. Tara started the Pitocin while we were FaceTiming with Sarah. I followed Sarah’s advice to rest as much as possible while I still could because soon I wound not be resting. I took about a 2-3hr nap, kept waking between contractions, but it felt refreshing. Around 5:15 p.m., Dr. P checked me again. Only 3cm, 80% effaced, and station -2. He broke my water. From there, things got intense. Nick ordered dinner and I wouldn’t suggest any husband eat chicken wings and fries while your wife is in labor. I kicked him out of the room until he finished.. and he had to brush his teeth.. twice.
I don’t know if it was back labor, my back injury flaring up, the Pitocin, or a combination but my contractions were all throughout my back. I felt I couldn’t relax my back and I was getting sharp pains throughout. Around 7:15 p.m., I decided I wanted the epidural. My plan was to go as long as possible without it but I couldn’t relax enough and my back was in a lot of pain and tension. I birthed on the birth ball as long as I could handle and even tried the shower but none helped the back tightness. The contractions themselves were tolerable but the back tightness was very painful. I also was only 4cm and 80% effaced... slow going. Between a long early labor and the back pain, the epidural was a God send. I received it around 11:15 p.m. and instantly felt at peace.
Sarah recommended Nick and I both sleep for the next 2 hrs before changing positions. Sarah helped guide us through the Safe Position for a Mother with an epidural to make sure I continued to switch positions and was in ideal positions to move Madelyn into the birth canal. Nick and I actually slept until about 4:30 a.m. which felt refreshing after 2 nights of little sleep. This epidural was different from the one I received with Riley. With Riley, I couldn’t feel anything. I didn’t know when I was having a contraction or tell if I could push properly. The epidural with Madelyn, I could still feel all the pressure and tightness but none of the pain. I could also still move my legs. The anesthesiologist was very particular but I’ll take that with how good he was at administering the epidural!
I woke up at 4:30 because I had a strong urge to push. I wasn’t sure if the epidural was wearing off since I had so much pressure and I asked Nick to call the nurse. The nurse checked to make sure it wasn’t Madelyn’s head causing the pressure, it wasn’t, so she called Dr. Paoloni. Dr. Paoloni got to our room around 4:45 and I was ready to have a baby! I was given the option to start pushing right away or wait 20-30 minutes until Madelyn came a little further down into the birth canal, due to the constant pressure, I decided to start pushing and did with the next contraction. I kept thinking of everything that was on my birth affirmation banner – Charlotte hugs, Riley, Colbie (our dog), breastfeeding Madelyn, skin to skin with Madelyn, and a VBAC.
Somewhere around 5:30-5:40 am, a woman named Tammy came in. She helps prepare the babies bed and helps clean the baby. Tammy actually worked for a hospice group, Noah’s Children, when we lost Riley and it was really nice seeing a familiar face. I felt this calmness come over me when I saw Tammy and she asked if I was ok with her being in the delivery room because of Riley. I knew it was a sign from Riley that she was present and everything was going to be ok. I pushed for around an hour, until Dr. Paoloni came back in and we were about to have a baby!
Madelyn crowned at 5:53 AM, and she was born at 5:56 AM! Madelyn didn’t even wait a second before she cried, so my heart didn’t skip a beat waiting to hear that first cry and she was placed on my chest instantly. “I did it! I did it!” I kept saying with tears as I looked at this beautiful little girl who I instantly fell in love with and felt my heart only grow larger. While I felt so much love for our third – and last – baby, I also felt so empowered. I DID IT! I had a VBAC! I had a VBAC during a pandemic while in the hospital where we lost our first daughter! There was something empowering about having a baby in the beginning of the pandemic. Maybe it was a combination of overcoming my fears from a traumatic first labor and not letting the pandemic overtake my joy I had all throughout my pregnancy with Madelyn.
I don’t truly know, but I do know Madelyn helped me feel healed physically and trust my body. All of our girls taught me (and Nick as well) something. Riley taught me how to not take life for granted and to be more empathetic towards others because you don’t know other’s struggles or battles. She also brought Nick and I closer together and made our marriage stronger, in a way I didn’t realize we needed. Charlotte, our rainbow baby, helped heal our hearts through her giggles, her cries (yes, even her colic days), her snuggles, our bond through breastfeeding, and her constant “will you play with me?”. Nick and I knew to always be thankful for Charlotte even during those rough newborn colic days and even now during the toddler power battles. Madelyn taught me my heart could only grow. She gave me confidence and gave me trust in my body. Each girl’s story on how they entered this world is beautiful, even if there was tragedy at the beginning of our parenting journey.
